Poincaré Recurrence Theorem

思考是一种诅咒。

我在脑海里看到了高维空间里系统状态的演化，看到系统在我的扰动下受到影响，各种影响背后都可以被解构，这对我来说就是一个完全纯粹的游乐场。我看到了每一个因果循环，纯粹的逻辑，没有为什么，我感到了深切的满足，因为我知道我终于可以休息了。

它被捆绑了太多不属于它的焦虑，投射，而我还不够了解，当我能用纯粹的语言说清，我才会甘心。

对于一个刨根问底的人来说，接受未知是一种妥协，更是一种痛苦。

我感觉毫无归属感，好像这个世界所有的一切都有归属，我看着窗外形形色色的人，大家看起来都很符合某一个群体，而我在哪里都找不到归属感。

理论上这件事不太可能完全是心理问题，但是考虑到强大的抑制功能和偏离轨道后的一点扰动让系统的演化收敛到完全不同的吸引子，也许从结束后将时间换成负t的倒流也无法承担难以找到初始轨迹的IVP。

Thinking is a curse.

In my mind, I saw the evolution of system states in a high-dimensional space. I saw the system being affected by my perturbations, and behind every impact lies something that can be deconstructed. To me, this is an absolutely pure playground. I saw every causal loop—pure logic, without any "whys." I felt a profound satisfaction, because I knew I could finally rest.

It has been entangled with too much anxiety that doesn't belong to it, along with projection, and I still don't understand it well enough. I won't be reconciled until I can articulate it in pure language.

For someone who must get to the bottom of things, accepting the unknown is a compromise, and even more so, an agony.

I feel no sense of belonging whatsoever. It's as if everything in this world has its place. I look at all sorts of people outside the window, and everyone seems to fit perfectly into some group, yet I can find a sense of belonging nowhere.

Theoretically, it's unlikely that this is entirely a psychological issue. However, considering the powerful suppression mechanism and how a slight perturbation—after deviating from the trajectory—causes the system's evolution to converge to a completely different attractor, perhaps even reversing time to negative t after the fact cannot resolve an Initial Value Problem where the initial trajectory is so difficult to trace.